I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
