i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
