vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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