I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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