Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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