Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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