3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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