she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
