if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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