Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
