Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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