shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
