i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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