Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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