I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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