Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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