Im at strip club and am horny
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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