I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
