New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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