I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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