Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
