So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
