Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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