everyone is single if you try hard enough
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
