awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
