$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
