you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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