I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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