I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
