He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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