You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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