i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
