he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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