Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
