i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
