brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
