You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
