I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
