Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
