i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
