He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
