She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
