We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize