Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
