i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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