Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
