Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
