quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
