Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
