I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
