I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
