I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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