He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize