You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
