508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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