I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize