Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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