whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My pussy is not your playground.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
