Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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