you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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