I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
