no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
