***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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