just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She bit a glass in half.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
