I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
