Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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