Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
