Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
