Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
