they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
