It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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