She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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