It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
