brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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