we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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