My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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