This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
