dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize