I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
