god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
