I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
