sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize