I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
