she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize