I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I supernannyed him into submission
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
