you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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