She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
