he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
