There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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