I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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