so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
