Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
