Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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