in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize