You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
