I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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