did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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