wakey wakey hands off snakey
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I understand Curling. That high.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
